I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
