She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
