haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
