we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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