just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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