I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
