I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
