Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish you could order shots online.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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