God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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