when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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