If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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