haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
