The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want to make out with him forever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How naked do you want me to be?
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