Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No more Irish car bombs ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
