i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
