Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
