I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
