This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
