Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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