Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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