did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
