i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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