I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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