I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize