So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
