woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
