Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
