"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
