im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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