hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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