Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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