so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
