i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
