You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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