I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize