I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
