:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
