Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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