a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
