my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
