who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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