I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
