come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
