I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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