the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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