i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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