it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
