Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
