they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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