I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Welp...herpes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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