Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
