It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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