Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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