Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
