Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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