Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize