i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
