Do you still have your period?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
