My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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