just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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