tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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