So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
