I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wear drunk well.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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