You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
