I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What a dumb baby whore.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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