all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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