We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
