Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
