It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
