this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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