Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize