I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
